


Clear innocent eyes

by Liliansquill



Category: Victoria (TV)
Genre: F/M, POV Male Character, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 18:07:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10418082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liliansquill/pseuds/Liliansquill
Summary: Some of Albert's thoughts about Victoria's pregnancy and him becoming a father.





	

He was about to be a father. It was not a long wait anymore, they expected the child to be born some time in the next few weeks. The thought filled him with excitement and joy but also a sense of protectiveness. His child, or his children, because eventually there were going to be many, he thought, would never have to go through what he had, growing up. He felt he had so much love to give- like all the love he missed as a child had doubled and was so ready to pour out of him. He wanted to make sure his children had a warm home and their parents’ attention. He would not be an absent parent when he remembered too well what it had felt like for himself. 

Sometimes he thought about the baby who was about to come into their lives – what it would look like, would it be more like him or Victoria, what its character would be like. Every now and then he’d put his hand on Victoria’s round belly so he could feel the tapping, usually light but at times so quick and intensive he’d think that must be a little uncomfortable for her. 

But then, those were the moments it all actually became so real, the moments when he acknowledged the fact of an actual person being in there. It filled him with such pride and elation that his mind was quick to travel forward in time. He saw himself holding the baby and looking into its clear innocent eyes or dreamed about playing some silly game with the child whose face was an echo of his own and Victoria’s. 

His excitement always made Victoria smile but he could see there was fear in her eyes. He knew she was strong, stronger than she believed herself to be perhaps, but he still wished she didn't have to go through the ordeal of childbirth alone. Of course he would be with her when the time came, but he could already imagine his agony when seeing her in pain and not being able to take it away, or do anything about it that would really help her. 

For now, all he could do was to keep assuring her that everything would go well. But in reality Victoria was right, the occasion in front of her, of them, was dangerous. It was not uncommon for even healthy women to die at confinement, even if bringing children into this world was a perfectly natural thing. 

He tried his best not to be worried and he’d never let her know that he was. He needed to be the solid rock for her to lean on, the one to always tell her it was going to be alright in the end. It had to be. He didn’t even want to think about any other possibilities. 

But Victoria was forced to think about them. She was the monarch and had to make sure that life would not stop after her, that there was someone to take over if she was no longer there. 

Albert felt immensely proud to be confirmed as sole regent and wanted to do his best to serve his new home country, he really did just want to do something, to have some power, but at the same time he hoped to god that the necessity for him to become regent would never arise. It was such a sad irony of life that for him to get what he wanted, to get the endorsement for leadership, he would have to lose the one he loved the most in this world. How should one even approach something like that? He thought he’d be like a circus freak with one eye laughing while the other one was crying.

Sometimes he wished having a child would just be their own private business. It was kind of strange how it seemed to be everybody else's. All his family members- Ernst, father, uncle Leopold, Victoria’s mother- everybody, were constantly telling him how the most important thing for him to do is to produce a son. Of course he understood that their son was to be the heir but didn't the fact that he was going to be their son, his and hers, mean anything? Sometimes it seemed it didn't. Well, to him it did.

But it looked like in the eyes of the government, for instance, producing an heir was maybe his first and sole task. For them, that was the only reason the queen needed a husband. Other than that, he felt, he was pretty much a nuisance for those self-important old men, one that they were forced to spend money on and wouldn’t get anything back from. It irritated him to only be seen as some stallion who was brought here to cover his mare, while he himself knew he was a man of ability who would serve his country well if only given the chance. 

Still he couldn’t help but be affected by all this talk about the heir, it put a huge amount of pressure on his shoulders. He had felt so relieved when Victoria had told him about her condition, for this meant he had done the thing that was expected of him in terms of his princely duties. 

But then the feeling of relief never exceeded his feeling of happiness for the child that they were going to have together. It was kind of overwhelming when he thought about it, something so cleverly set up by nature. One moment it was the two of them making love- the most beautiful thing he could imagine, so it was only logical that something magnificent should come out of it. And there it was - the next moment, a beginning of a new life inside of her. Wasn't it a miracle? 

Sometimes it seemed to him that Victoria failed to see it. She was always talking about how uncomfortable she felt and how bored she was because she couldn't do anything she wanted to, but didn't she understand it was a small price to pay when in the end of this they would have a new person in their lives, one they had created together, whose life they’d continue to form? And one, he thought, they would both love more than anyone else.

He was sure she would forget all the discomfort once she met their child but until then he had to cope with her moaning about getting so big she didn’t dare to look in the mirror anymore and with her thoughts about what horrible things he must think of her body. 

The truth was he saw her as a kind of goddess of fertility, a woman in her prime. Her growing belly was so naturally a part of her it couldn’t in any way be something he’d think repulsive or become a reason for him to desire her less. It was true that now, with her so heavily pregnant, they had stopped being intimate for the time being but that was for her comfort only. If she could carry their baby, the least he could do was contain himself for as long as she needed. 

Occasionally at nights she did take care of him though. He had been hesitant about it at first and assured her that she didn’t have to but she’d been insistent, telling him that this was one of the few things she actually could do and therefore wanted to, for him. He wasn’t in a position to say no after that, nor did he want to. 

Victoria herself seemed to be happy just to have him be with her and hold her in his arms. The way she clung to him and buried her head in his chest was not sexual, it spoke of the need for protection and comfort. He was glad to provide it, if this was what he could do to make her feel safe now that he felt he loved her more than ever. He would do anything to show his appreciation and gratitude for this beautiful gift she was giving him. 

They were about to be parents. And he was about to be a father. He could hardly wait.


End file.
